Monday, January 26, 2009

Happy Woof Year!

As the song goes, "you can't always get what you waaannt, but if you try sometime, you just might find, you get what you need..." As I was wandering on Facebook, my virtual favorite place to be these days, a dear friend and colleague, Carmen Cool (how cool is that name), who runs the Boulder Youth Body Alliance, an organization dedicated to creating generations of young women and leaders who feel good about themselves and their bodies, posted her Chinese New Year horoscope. I was excited to find out that mine would be just as cool as Carmen's, but when I got to mine, this is what I read:

"2009 will present the Dog with a number of challenges. Your patience will certainly be tested in more than one instance. You may not necessarily gain the notoriety you desire in your career, but certain advancement opportunities will surface throughout the year. You will find comfort with your family and solidify bonds that are necessary for your well being. You may have issues juggling your family life with your work schedule, but you will make great strides in both areas by the end of the year."

It's Monday and snowing, snowing hard and densely enough to make me turn around and work from home. This seems a perfect horoscope for me in 2009 because it is about staying power and that staying power being centered in myself. I especially love that I will find comfort with my family and will solidify bonds necessary to my well being. I've become a new dedicant to Bikram Yoga, 26 poses geared to solidifying (and melting) that well-being for 90 minutes in 90+ degrees.

I'm in this for the long run, as I just crossed the threshhold of my 50th year. Patience is good. Afterall, Mick Jagger is in his 60s and just hitting his stride.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

The Worry of Now

Have I always been a worrier? I guess so, considering the state of my gut during junior high (that's what we called it way back when) and through most of my life. Have I ever been free of worry? I wish I could say that after 2.5 years studying at a contemplative graduate school, I'd been able to cast aside my worrisome side, but instead I became a writer. I've read some of Ekhart Tolle's theory on the Power of Now and while I agree, in theory, that to worry can be monumental waste of time, I find that worry can also be a great teacher. So I'd like to call my theory, the Worry of Now. And my theory has served as a slap of cold water in my face and gotten me very focused.

And right now, I'm very focused on making a different kind of life for myself and my family. After losing my second job in a year, I want to be free of the constant anxiety of keeping a roof over my family's head, the modest, but new car I worked so hard to make affordable payments on parked safely in front of my house, to be able to roam the grocery aisles without keeping a running tab in my head. I want to be able to spend a relaxed night with my spouse, without the ongoing subtitle of money running along side us. We're doing a great job holding it together during this time, but it's hard to relax and be in the Now when the Now is so filled with uncertainty. I don't know how this will all work out, but I do know I am ready to make some changes that put me much more in charge of my financial destiny.

What worry woke me up from an almost certain sleep? I woke up to check that the car payment had been received. It has. The money is in the bank and the check will most likely be cashed tomorrow. Blessings on the US postal service and Blessings on my new job that allowed me to make that payment on time.

As I sit in this space of Worry, in the very nowness of my worry, I wonder, how many other people out there are doing the same thing? How many other mothers are scouring 'consignment shops' for their growing children's clothing needs, reheating yesterday's coffee? Staring into space, talking to the unknown, asking the same question - how did I get here? How did we all get here?

Blessings on us all as we enter into this new phase of hope, even if it is circled with worry. Hoe is as constant as worry and for me, they often go hand in hand. I'm only human, right? I worry, therefore I am. Are you too?

I feel better. Thanks for listening.

Monday, January 12, 2009

The Homecoming Queen Mother

Being a mom is really like being homecoming queen every day of the year. And I wonder, since I was never anything close to a homecoming queen, what it would be like to be the most beautiful, the most popular girl in school every day of the year. Sort of would make you sick to your stomach, or other people sick to their stomachs. Sort of would make you want to vomit. And maybe want to vomit right on that homecoming queen's tafetta gown.

This is my way of saying that stomach flu season has hit our house. Or to be more correct, hit me. Friendly fire would be the best way to describe my role in this latest round. The origin of the title of this blog comes from the last time we, or I should say, I was visited upon by the ghost of vomit past with such a vengeance.

It started the day before school was to begin. I'd just served up three cups of hot chocolate and tiny marshmallows, the post-Sunday school bribe cashed in by all three girls. Twenty minutes later, one of the twins complained of a stomach ache and went in to take a nap. Five minutes later, tears and vomit. Thankfully, she made it to the waste basket. An hour later, not so lucky. The first case of being vomited on and 2009 was only three days old.

Two days later, oldest daughter sat next to me on the couch and complained of a stomach ache. Two times a lady.

The other twin has not displayed any signs of the stomach flu. But I've already sat her down and talked with her:

"Honey, if you feel like you have to throw up, it's okay. Your body is just trying to get rid of the yucky stuff."

She nodded at me while eating her third bowl of cereal.

"But do me a favor. If you feel like you have to throw up, find your father and throw up on him. I've already been thrown up on by both your sisters."

What followed only confirmed my position as the eternal homecoming queen of our family. Her eyes filled up with tears and she wailed:

"That's not fair. My sisters got to throw up on you! I want to throw up on you too!"

I guess it's never to late to claim my homecoming title. Time to shine my tiara.